


Memories

by 015wayward_winchester



Series: Dust In The Wind [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester is Jack Kline's Parent, Erased memories, False Memories, M/M, Memories, Sam Winchester is Jack Kline's Parent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-16 19:21:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28587126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/015wayward_winchester/pseuds/015wayward_winchester
Summary: With their memories of Cas wiped Sam and Dean live their lives, but they can’t help but feel something is missing.
Relationships: Castiel & Sam Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester
Series: Dust In The Wind [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2094636
Kudos: 34





	1. Open Road

**Author's Note:**

> I only changed the ending of E18 and E19, and am ignoring E20. Everything else happened, but Cas altered their memories. So I’m telling the story as the brothers believe it happened.

Dean shifted Baby into drive and peeled away from the side of the road where they’d said goodbye to their son. They’d looked after the boy ever since his mother, Kelly, died in childbirth after coming to the bunker for protection. Jack was now the top dog.

Sam turned around and looked at the back. For some reason he felt someone should be in the backseat, but he chalked it up to missing Jack. He caught a glimpse out the rear window and saw a tall man with black hair and a beige trench coat crying against a lamp post. 

“What are you looking at Sammy?”

“Nothing it just feels weird without Jack”

“Yeah I hear ya. But at least Chuck’s gone, we can live without being controlled by a story. We’re free. Just you and me on the open road.”

The boys went to the bunker to celebrate and rest. Over the next couple of months the boys hunted and lived as they wanted to live. They cleared an old vamp nest their dad once tracked. The brothers cleared out the clownpires easily. 

As they drove back to the bunker Sam couldn’t help but think something wasn’t quite right.

“What’s on your mind Sammy?” Dean questioned

“I just feel like something is missing. Or someone.”

“Sam we’ve been through this. I know how attached you were to that kid, but he’s ok. He’s better than ok. He’s the ultimate power in the universe”

“I know that but-“

“No. No buts Sam. It’s you and me. It’s always been you and me” 

Sam nodded “jerk”

“Bitch” Dean replied quickly

Dean was right there was no else, he couldn’t remember a time where it had been more than the two of them and besides Bobby, Jody, Kevin, on those rare occasions before her death, Charlie, and eleven years ago there’d been that angel who raised Dean from Hell before his death. Sam realized he couldn’t even picture the angel’s face or remember his name. 

The next morning Sam still couldn’t get the angel out of his head. He had a very sharp memory, yet he didn’t have the faintest recollection of the angel.

“Hey Dean do you remember that angel who brought you out of Hell?”

“No. Why would I want to? That douche got what he deserved. He let you out of the panic room and started the apocalypse, if you ask me he got off too easy.”

He had remembered. Anna killed the angel after learning of his hand in freeing Sam and his plan to turn her in. Anna had been killed by Lucifer a year later while assisting Dean in his attempt to break the devil’s control on Sam. Maybe it was better off forgotten.


	2. Lost Angel

As the black Impala drove away Cas leaned against a lamppost and sobbed. The love of his life and his best friend were gone. 

He’d done the right thing. He freed Dean and Sam from his deadweight. All he’d ever done was cause problems and now they could move on and be happy. 

He wandered into an alley where he was approached by a woman. Meg, no the empty. 

“What do you want?” He demanded 

The empty laughed “oh Castiel are you truly so desperate to avoid me that you’d jeopardize your only chance at happiness?” 

Cas hit her. “It had nothing to do with you!” He shouted “they wouldn’t have stopped until I was free of this deal, but there’s no way out. They are my friends and I couldn’t let them waste their time on a lost cause especially now that Chuck is gone.”

“Friends? Really Castiel? From what I hear you and the older one have a-“

He hit her again “That’s none of your business”

“I told you once I know who you love. Sure you can say you’re protecting the brothers, but we both know you’re mostly only trying to protect the one”

Cas sighed “Dean would never move on. He’d try to kill you, and he himself would die in the process or he’d throw his life away in a cheap hunt. I couldn’t be the cause of his death.”

The Empty smiled “oh I’m so glad I didn’t take you the day we made that deal. This is so much more fun”

She disappeared before Cas could punch her and his fist went right into the brick wall.

“Son of a bitch!” He yelled at himself, the empty, or even the wall he didn’t know.

What was he supposed to do now? 

A day later Jack called all the angels to Heaven to give them back their wings. He pulled Cas aside after.

“What did you do dad?” Jack asked

Cas sighed. He’d forgotten Jack knew about the deal, and of course he knew what Cas did to Sam and Dean.

“What I had to. If I’d stayed I would’ve been sent to the empty by now, hearing Dean say it was enough to summon her, and if she had taken me Dean would never stop. Not until one of them was dead and it would’ve been him.”

Jack was silent. Unfortunately his dad wasn’t wrong even the Winchesters couldn’t take on the empty. 

Cas broke away from his son and departed from Heaven. Now that he had his wings and invisibility back he flew to the bunker to check on his family.

“Hey Dean do you remember that angel who brought you out of Hell?”

“No. Why would I want to? That douche got what he deserved. He let you out of the panic room and started the apocalypse, if you ask me he got off too easy.”

He flew out fast. He knew what he’d altered, but hearing the love of his life call him a douche who deserved worse than death was too much to handle. He had to remind himself that in their memories he was a backstabbing angel who kickstarted the apocalypse and had tried to imprison Anna. They weren’t talking about him. They weren’t talking about him. They were talking about who they’d thought he was. He repeated this to himself several times as though if he were to stop he’d fall apart.


	3. Gap In My Heart

Sam knew this wasn’t right. It had been a year and he still couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something missing. When Dean was out Sam grabbed a book on angels from the bunker’s library, and flipped through. Whatever was wrong had to be related to the angel. Sam rarely forgot a face especially one of someone who’d saved his brother.

After two hours he reached the section on lesser angels. He continued flipping through hoping a name would jog his memory, but eventually he reached the end. He’d taken note of the angels that rang a slight bell, but couldn’t be sure which was the one he was looking for. 

The list was small, but not small enough. Balthazar, Uriel, Zachariah, Ezekiel, Castiel, Hannah, and Naomi. 

Castiel watched, invisible, wanting more than anything to reveal himself and go to his friend, but he couldn’t. Revealing himself to Sam would only make their sacrifice pointless and they’d be right back where they started. 

He was confused though. Why was Sam the one who noticed his absence? Why didn’t Dean? Why not both of them? Why did either of them? 

A couple miles away Dean was at a bar drinking and trying to picking up a chick. He didn’t know why, but it wasn’t as fun as it was a few years ago. Now it felt more like filling a hole. But he had no idea what hole he was trying to fill.


	4. Cracks

An hour later Dean gave up at the bar and drove back home.

“How’d it go Dean?” Sam called from the main room as Dean came down the stairs. 

“Ah it was ok”

That was another red flag to Sam. Since the day they said goodbye to Jack last year Dean hadn’t found much pleasure in bars and women. Which was unusual to say the least.

Sam pulled out the list of angels. 

“Take a look at this. Which one of these angels pulled you out of Hell?” 

“Seriously Sammy? You’re still on this it was twelve years ago.” Dean asked

“Humor me” Sam responded

“Ok let me see” Dean sighed taking the list. “Castiel” he replied after a quick scan.

“Are you sure?” Sam asked. It was weird how fast Dean had pinpointed the angel. 

“Yeah I’m sure. Seeing the name jogged my memory I guess.” Dean shrugged “so if that’s it I’m gonna get some shut eye”

Dean walked to his room, sat on the bed, and put his head in his hands. He hadn’t thought about Cas in years. The angel had been his friend before betraying the brothers and starting the apocalypse by letting Sam out of the panic room. He couldn’t draw a clear picture of the angel. All he remembered was dark hair and a tan trench coat. Before he saw the name written he couldn’t even remember his name.

Cas watched the whole scene unfold with tears streaking his face. He just hoped The Winchesters would let it rest now. Cas worried about what would happen if the brothers kept poking.


	5. Dreams

When Dean finally fell asleep that night he dreamt of a dark barn and he and Bobby painting sigils. Suddenly the doors were flung open and in walked a tall man with dark hair, blue eyes, and a tan trench coat. 

“Cas!” Dean yelled waking up. He was drenched in a cold sweat. 

“Dean!” Sam yelled running into his older brother’s room. “What happened?”

“I don’t know I just had a dream of when Bobby and I met Cas. Not the whole thing just a fragment. After I saw him I woke up. Something about this doesn’t feel right. A day ago we couldn’t even remember Cas’s name now I’m dreaming about him?”

Cas watched in fear. The walls in their heads were coming down. There was no stopping it. Sooner or later they were going to remember him. It hit him. That’s why Sam had noticed something off from the get go. He’d already had a mind wall crumble so no matter what it was holding back a second mind wall would have some cracks. 

“We’ll figure it out Dean” Sam assured his brother 

“G’night Sammy”

“Night Dean” 

Dean wasn’t sure if he’d drift off again but he needed time to think.

Sam went back to his room and instantly fell asleep. He dreamt of a town full of ghosts recently sprung from Hell. He remembered this. The brothers saved this town after Chuck cracked open the Earth straight down to hell. He was in a garage trying to save a mother and daughter from a clown ghost. But at the part where Dean ran in to help him it wasn’t Dean. It was Castiel. That wasn’t right. Cas had died 11 years before.

He woke with a start. Unlike his brother he didn’t call out. It was just a dream he tried telling himself. In reality Dean had come to help him. Cas was dead. His mind was cast back to the day they’d said goodbye to Jack. Out the rear window he’d seen, oh god, he’d seen Cas. Castiel was alive.


	6. Flashes

Castiel was alive, but how? Anna had stabbed him with an angel blade. Sam focused on his dream, and remembered a small detail. He’d been stabbed by the clown. He felt his stomach where the wound was, and there was no scar.

He closed his eyes and focused. Cas ran into the room and healed him. Well he healed the stab wound, the gunshot from the equalizer was beyond Cas’s healing abilities. 

Sam cried out. His brain felt like it was on fire. He was getting flashes of memories; Cas in the bunker, Cas helping him look for Dean when he was a demon, Cas causing the angels to fall, Cas letting leviathans in, Cas helping them raise Jack, hunting with Cas, and other flashes he couldn’t quite catch.

Cas knew he had to reveal himself, but first he went to Dean to make sure he slept. Cas needed to talk to Sam alone.

Cas returned to Sam’s room to find his friend still clutching his head and trying to sort through the memories. 

“Sam” Cas said softly


End file.
